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Some random thoughts... a bit personal

What is it about the beginning of a new week, or in this case, coming back after a day of holiday, that makes me feel unsettled?  I am very bad with transitions.  A feeling of disorientation, a feeling of -where do I start? - a feeling of crawling up into a ball and waiting till it all falls into place.  Transition is the movement from one place to another, be it physical, conceptual, emotional.  In all instances, it is really a state of limbo.  You are in one place, you are on your way to another, but right now, right in the midst of the transition, you are in limbo.  I do NOT like limbo.  That must be it!

Yesterday was a very special day.  Unfortunately Reid was sick, and stayed in bed most of the day, but Nina and I went to synagogue together.  We saw many friends and acquaintances,  Nina sang in the choir, it was all very beautiful.  As I was sitting there I began thinking of my father.  In December it will be five years since he passed away.  I miss him so very much, in fact it becomes harder with time.  As I sat there, listening to the music and the prayers, I started thinking about him. I started imagining conversations I would have with him now, if I could.  All the while I was looking straight ahead, at the front of the synagogue where the Rabbis and the choir were situated.  I was looking straight ahead, but not really seeing anything, just sort of starring into space.  Then, for no reason at all, I looked up. Our synagogue has very high, beautifully ornate ceilings with mosaics that form pictures and tell stories.  There is a large arch formed out of the names and symbols of the 12 tribes of Israel. The tribes were descendants of Jacob's twelve sons, the eldest being Reuben.  That was my father's name, and that was what I saw when my eyes looked up at the ceiling.  It may not seem that unusual, after all I was sitting in a synagogue and it is not unlikely to find the names of the twelve tribes in the building.  But, my eyes did not make their way up slowly. One minute I was starring into space and talking to my father and the next minute I was looking at his name.  I was so moved by the moment, flooded with warmth and tears.  It was beautiful. Just that. Beautiful.

Shiri and her Sabba (grandfather)

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